The Return Eudemon
North to Alaska
I’m not a well-traveled man. I’ve never been to any continent besides North America, and when I turned 42, I hadn’t even traveled to the western United States (a trip to Minneapolis for a Chesterton Conference and across the bridge in Memphis to say “I’ve crossed the Mississippi” were my western limits). But in the past twelve months, I have traveled to South Dakota, Wyoming, California, and now Alaska.
I just returned from a great trip to Seward’s Folly. My parents took 28 people–themselves, their four sons, four daughters in-law, and eighteen grandchildren–on an Alaskan cruise (Anchorage to Vancouver) to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. Most of us went up two days early so we could see Anchorage. 
For a city of nearly 300,000, it’s not much of a town (because it’s so spread out, it has the density of a Michigan town of about 25,000–no exaggeration), but odd in its complexion: 25% African-American, 50% Caucasian, 25% indigenous and oriental–according to the Alaskan ladies I met on a train ride (different stats from Wikipedia, but my observations correlate with the informal demographics of my train mates). Our first Alaskan tour guide said Anchorage has no crime and feels like the 1950s. It didn’t feel like the 1950s to me, and I saw a slew of unsavory-looking people. On the morning we left Anchorage, the city’s newspaper ran a story about the increasing problem of homeless people on the streets–3,000 and rising. The ladies on the train also scoffed at the notion that Anchorage doesn’t have crime. They said that might have been true ten years ago, but things are getting rougher and rougher (Wikipedia supports their view).
But other than that, I liked Anchorage. The climate is mild due to the mellowing effects of the Pacific Ocean, and there’s lots of space and amazing scenery. Our second day there, we took a private bus tour of Anchorage and its surrounding areas. 
We saw Alaskan grandeur and glaciers. The last stop to Portage Glacier (and its glacier lake) was great. The temperatures were in the 70s, but when we drove into that gully, it felt like winter. Very cool, so to speak.
We used Princess for the cruise. I’d never been on a cruise (my children had never been on a plane, a real train, or a ship), so I was kinda blown away by all the food and attentive staff. That being said, there was a tinge of phoniness in the air. These cruises aren’t cheap by any stretch (it boggles my mind to consider what my parents spent), but the price isn’t out of the reach for most couples. You get a real mix, including some people who don’t exude any class, much less high class (like the heavily-mustachioed drunk guy who, within earshot of my children, belligerently yelled, “Way to be an a******” to a woman who accidentally cut in front of the photo he was taking of his group). 
But Princess Cruise puts on a show like they’re courting the wealthiest of the wealthy . . . in cattle-car mode. It’s hard to explain. I definitely had a great time and loved the cruise, but I kinda felt like I was ersatz rich. Something felt “off” about the whole presentation, and the only thing I can figure is, they were putting a wealthy facade on an economical structure, but I’m not sure. If anybody else has been on such cruises, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this line of thinking.
So what was it like to travel with seven children? It sucks, and my children behaved extremely well (excepting Max, who vomited three times on the plane ride up, but he’s only five, so I only thrashed him only a little for it). We finished the trip in Vancouver. Carting The Seven off the ship, to the bus, through Customs, through Security, to the plane, then off the plane at Minneapolis to get on a different plane to Detroit, off the plane in Detroit where we gathered together 19 pieces of luggage, then grappled for the shuttle bus to take us to our Amish hauler 12-person van: it sucked. There’s no other way to put it: It was hard and stressful, with long bouts of boredom as we stood in lines, very little sleep.
But I’d do it again. The best part of the trip was seeing my whole family together for a week. We had five rooms next to each other. The balconies all opened up to connect. Pretty much every afternoon or evening you could walk onto the balcony and find at least one person out there watching the amazing scenery, sometimes a whale or glacier. I liked the cruise itself and even the ersatz Princess approach (I don’t care if people treat me like I’m rich when I’m not), but the gorgeous Alaskan afternoons and evenings on the balcony were the best.
Actually, my parents are the best. God bless them. On wait, He already has. I, too, have been greatly blessed. Far more than I deserve, but I’ll take it.
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July 20th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
That cruise feeling is pretty universal among cruise lines. I’ve been on Carnival, Norwegian, Holland America, Royal Caribbean, and Cunard. You also feel kind of guilty when you find out how hard the crew work, and how long they are away from their families. Not that you’re culpable of sin – you’re employing them after all, and they do make a lot of money relative to wages in their home countries.
The more expensive ones give a more genuine feel though, naturally.
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Good grief. It sounds like you just ought to stay home and drink beer.